Ask Emma Anything | Part 2 - Resilience & Vulnerability can coexist.

Who Is the New Emma Compared to the Woman She Was Before?

I took some time to reflect on how to answer this question.

At first, I thought I would have a clear-cut, straightforward answer. But I realised it is still too early for me to fully articulate how the woman I am today differs from the woman I was last year.

However, two things came to mind, two things that are deeply intertwined:

➡️ I believe I have become more resilient, and

➡️ I have given myself permission to cry.

Resilience 

Resilience is not simply about picking yourself up and carrying on. It is also about giving yourself permission to feel the hurt. It is about acknowledging the circumstances, the hardships, and the stormy winds you encounter along the way, without allowing them to define you, diminish you, or control the direction of your life.

I think I have developed a deeper capacity to feel the hurt, and perhaps that explains why I cry much more often now than I did before.

I allow myself to process the pain and the emotions that come with it. I no longer feel that I must immediately put myself back together or pretend that everything is fine.

Instead, I allow myself to feel. When I am ready, I pick myself up and start again.

As many times as I need to.

I think this kind of resilience has become almost palpable in my life. It is not that I have become immune to pain or that difficult circumstances no longer affect me. Quite the opposite.

Do you even cry? 

In the world we live in today, crying can easily be interpreted as a sign of weakness. It can be associated with so many things, often everything except what it really is: an expression of the emotions we feel.

A few years ago, a colleague asked me a question that really struck me:

“Do you even cry?”

I couldn’t really answer her because, at the time, it was rare for me to cry. Something had to be particularly significant for me to shed tears.

In fact, holding back my tears was something I was rather proud of. Oops! 

Because, somewhere along the way, I had come to associate crying with weakness. I had learned to hold everything in and to make sure nobody saw just how much something had hurt me. There was no way I was going to let you see that side of me. You didn’t get to see how hurt I was.

If I needed to cry, I would do so in a safe place, with safe people.

Looking back, I realise that I had become very good at hiding the pain I was carrying behind my humorous personality. I could smile. I could joke. I could make people laugh. And perhaps people saw that side of me so clearly that they never imagined how much I might have been carrying beneath the surface. 

One of my brothers told me something similar. My children did, too, although that is no longer the case.

Today, I See Things Differently

I can cry and still be strong.

I will smile and joke around, not because I am hiding my pain, but because I genuinely believe there is more love in the world than we sometimes see.

There are beautiful things waiting to unfold, and I want to remain open to them.

From my heart to yours

If there is one thing I would like to share with anyone going through a difficult season in life, it is this:

You are allowed to cry.

You are allowed to be sad.

You are allowed to feel hurt.

You are allowed to express what you are going through.

You don’t have to pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t. You don’t have to suppress your emotions to prove that you are strong.

How you feel about a situation does not define who you are.

Sometimes, you’ll need to cry. Sometimes, you’ll need to sit with what has happened. Sometimes, you’ll need to take a step back, catch your breath, and allow yourself to process everything you have been carrying. And sometimes, you’ll need to try again tomorrow. That is okay, too.

A Few Verses That Speak to My Heart

Psalm 56:8 (KJV)

“Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?”

Emma’s note:

This verse reminds me that my tears are not insignificant. God sees the pain that others may never notice, including the hurt we have learned to hide behind a smile. I have been the woman who could make people laugh while carrying pain beneath the surface. But oh, how comforting it is to know that the tears we shed in private are not unseen by God.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)

“My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”

Emma’s note:

I’ve spent years believing that holding back my tears was a sign of strength. Now, I am discovering that I do not have to hide my vulnerability to be a resilient woman. I am not here to deny my weaknesses or pretend that I have everything together. I am learning that I can acknowledge my vulnerability and still allow God to work through me. I don’t have to be strong every moment for His strength to be at work in my life.

So, Who Is the New Emma Compared to the Woman She Was Before?

I don’t have a complete answer yet, but she is learning that resilience and vulnerability can coexist. I can be the woman who smiles, laughs, and brings joy into a room while also being the woman who needs to cry.

Both are me.

So, for today being today, this is what I can articulate at this point in my journey. But I know there will be more to say. After all, it has only been twelve months, and I am still discovering who I am becoming.

Blessings,

Emmanuella